"Hello? This is Shannon speaking."
"Hi, Shannon, this is your LIFE calling, could you please start living me to the fullest?"
I feel like this is a conversation I've had with myself over the past few days. I have no idea why I'm learning this lesson at THIS point in my life, but I am, and I thought I would share it with my Blog buddies. Seeing as I've already shared it with my FaceBook buddies, and man, did it cause a ruckus! (did I really just use the word "ruckus" in a sentence? What am I coming to?)
For years I have struggled with my weight, and in the past two years I have made a very real effort to change the way I lived in order to "get thin". Oh, sure, I may have TOLD myself, and others, it was so I could be "healthy", but every woman knows that unexplainable quest to be thin. I am one of those women. So I joined a gym, and last year I joined Weight Watchers. I had great success with both of these endeavors, and I had stuck with most of the changes I made. However, I have a tendency to not so much fall of the wagon as THROW MYSELF OFF when it comes to my health. I never thought of myself as saboteur, though lately, I have come to know otherwise. I'll get lazy or "busy" and not have enough time to make it to the gym or to WW meetings. It starts by missing one night which leads to two, then three, by that time I'm so disappointed in myself that I wonder what's the point of going back. So I don't. At least until my clothes start getting too tight, or my "bat flaps" start getting flappy-er. The most recent burst of healthy living lasted longer than any. I had actually lost about 89 pounds, and was feeling really good. The ground rushing past that moving wagon looked too tempting, though. Somewhere around my birthday I just moved my quest to the back burner. OK, I'm being honest, I took it off the stove completely! I have not seen the inside of the gym, nor gone to a WW meeting in many a week. My tight clothes and flappy arms are proof of that. I had chucked myself right off that wagon, AGAIN!
This time of year has everyone thinking "Resolutions". I've never been one who is much for resolutions. I just don't keep them. But I did decide that the beginning of the year is as good as any to take another stab at the "QUEST" (said in a loud, booming voice), not to mention the new season of Biggest Loser started this week! Great source of motivation! So, Monday found my boo-ta-tay back in the gym, and I toted the ever familiar WW meal to work along with my protein bar and apple. I still had the "quest" mentality going though. But something was different this time. Everywhere I turned I was faced with this nagging feeling, "What's going to make this time any different than all the others?" "WHY is it that I can't just get past this weight so I can live my life?" "I know everything would be so different if I did!" Well, more times than I can count, I came across different "signs" or maybe they were clues that this time HAD to be different. I am a BIG TV watcher. It's a weakness, I know, but I am. I watch a lot of HGTV, TLC, and Biggest Loser (of course!) This time of year the TV is saturated with shows about losing weight and being healthy, and for some reason I have been glued to ALL of them. I don't know if watching these shows is affecting me, but more and more it's becoming clearer to me how unhealthy my weight really is. Not only that, I also came to the heartbreaking understanding that for the past 15 years I've been waiting for my life to start. I'm 33. That's a LOT of waiting. Waiting for someone (man) to love me, waiting to travel, waiting to do fun things that I'd love to do. Even more heartbreaking was WHY I was waiting on all these things. I've been waiting lose weight so I'll find someone to love me, waiting to travel because I am too embarrassed about how I look, waiting to enjoy certain activities because I'm not sure I can even do them! It upsets me that I have missed out on so many opportunities, all because I was waiting for them to start!
I am a woman of deep faith. I credit that to having been raised by women of deep faith. I have always prayed for God's Will to be done in my life, and at the same time waiting for the day when His Will would be done. I think the biggest revelation I've had has come in the past 72 hours. I've been waiting for a life to begin that actually began 33 years ago, and I have been wasting time WAITING. Not waiting on God, mind you, waiting on me.
So, I've been quietly mulling over these new ideas of mine. All the while God seems to keep reinforcing them in what I am watching and reading. Last night as I was munching on my very yummy salad, ( NO, you did not detect any sarcasm. It WAS yummy!) I hopped on Face Book to check out what everyone was up to. I was struck by how many of the young friends I have on there had changed their "relationship status" to "in a relationship". It was then that I had an even bigger revelation. Here I have been waiting for the future "Mr. Right" to come along, dreaming about him, obsessing even, when Mr. Right was already in my life. Not that I've neglected God, but I have definitely spent way too much time wondering about the other man, time that really belongs to God. So I decided in a spur of the moment decision to change MY relationship status on FB to "in a relationship", and I had intended to put "with God" next to it. But FB won't let you put WHO if they aren't a member of FB. So all it read was, "Shannon is now in a relationship!" Well, I doubt you can imagine the chaos that ensued! I had to write a quick note to "splain" myself to the FB community. I thought I'd share it with you all. Some of what I have already said is repeated in there, but I think you get the idea. :
(If you happen to be a FB Buddy, skip the italics! You already read them!)
Before you old biddies FREAK OUT over my relationship status, let me clarify it. I've decided that 2009 is my year to be the best me I can for one very special person. OK, actually three, but for our purposes here, and so as not to confuse everyone, we'll just refer to one of the persons namely- GOD. (the other two are the second and third persons of the Blessed Trinity.)
For too long now I have gone through my life thinking I was doing OK. That what I was giving out was my "best". I happen to know that isn't the case. So without dwelling on the past I am taking this opportunity of a new year to do that which I know I am capable of. No more missed opportunities, no more missing out on what I know God has waiting for me! I have very concrete goals for 2009! I've been making lifestyle changes for two years now, most have stuck, but I have a tendency to not so much fall of the wagon as THROW MYSELF OFF when it comes to my health. This year I want to achieve those goals that I have set for myself, wether they be health, career, family, relationship, or spiritually related. I think that the first place to start is with the MOST important of those goals and that would be my spiritual goals. So the first step I am taking is to make my relationship with God the most important relationship I focus on. For too long now I have waited and for my dream of becoming a wife and a mother to materialize. What I haven't done is spent enough time actively working on my relationship with the Lord. That may surprise some of you, but what I'm trying to say is that rather than pouring my energy into wondering and worrying about the future Mr. Nanney, I will be poring my energy into my present Mr. Right- God. I truly believe that the other will come in His Good Time. When the time is right then my Mr. Right WILL come along. I can't change when that will be, so I am choosing to focus on something I CAN change, and that is to grow even closer to the God I love and Who loves me more than I will ever know. And I'll start by doing my best to honor Him and the gifts He has blessed me with.
Don't get me wrong- I WILL be a wife and mother, but I will NOT make that my focus any longer. Unfortunately, unless science develops a cure for " boy craziness" then I'm not likely to stop mooning over the likes of Michael Buble or Matt Maher. (BTW-My favorite is the latter! I'll take a Godly man over a MB in a heart beat. But you have to admit that MB is a gift from heaven!) And I am still not above being set up with someone by friends, family, or even perfect strangers! (Just Kidding!!! ;) ) BUt my new man is the big G-O-D!
OK, I'm done. I just wanted to side step the innumerable comments and messages I just knew were on the way to my inbox! Love you all!
So to recap...
I am NOT seeing anyone at this present time. I love God, and He loves me MORE! I WILL be married, one day. No more diet. I will now care for this temple of the Holy Spirit in a manner that it deserves. I am still ga-ga over guys. No more waiting, my life starts now! 2009 is MY YEAR! Oh, and I am open to being set up. WHEW!
Fear not, this will NOT become a "diet blog", although I have considered starting one. I'm too big of a chicken, though. I just can't bring myself to post my weight and "before" pictures for all to see. Besides that I'm reminded that I have far too many blogs at present. One more would be overkill, and a tad egocentric.
P.S. I would like to apologize for the obscene amount of "quotation marks", but I had no other recourse. Thanks for loving me anyway!
PS.S.-Thank you all for your support! Especially my Mom, my sister (whom I love oodles!), Erin, Yvette, Meg, and Stacie. Your love and support is overwhelming. With ALL my love...